Life continues

I just could not understand how others (both known and unknown) were able to laugh, smile and celebrate whilst I mourned my loss. I remained in hospital for a couple of days after Isaac’s departure and being in there was like being in a cocoon which I did not appreciate until I stepped into the big ‘unfeeling’ world. As we drove home, I felt like hanging a sign on my head to portray the ordeal I had just been through in order for others to stop and stop carrying on as if nothing happened. Everywhere I turned it seemed it was business as usual. There were good days and bad days. I could not understand how people could pay us a visit and after conveying their condolence then engage in mundane talk, at that point I did not care about what was happening in the world. All I cared about was what had taken place in my world. In hindsight the ‘mundane’ talk at least helped take my mind off grieving continuously and focus on other things. From personal experience and my observations, I am of the opinion that majority of people who haven’t been through a similar experience are unable to understand the ups and downs of baby loss. My previous post ‘Out of sight is not out of mind’ highlights a few issues. Hence they may be unable to provide the on – going support (a phone call to check how you are, a shoulder to cry on when you need one, remembering the birth day of your baby(ies) and giving you space/time to adjust) required even days, weeks and years after the initial episode.

The day came when we made the decision ourselves that life indeed had to continue for us. We were very conscious that both our children (also Faith, who was born after Isaac) would never be forgotten. We planned and looked forward to a future with more children. I believe each mum can sense when it is time to forge ahead and when that time comes mum may life give you reasons to smile again!

Advertisements

Celebrating Isaac and Faith

I have noticed that babies develop their personalities even from the womb and they are not born has’ blank slates.’ Even though I lost my babies, their memories cannot be erased from my life. I found out that whenever I talk with people who had young or grown children/siblings that have died, when the question of how children do you have or how many siblings do you have comes up, they do state they were xxx number before but xxx passed away. But for some reason, some people feel babies should not be counted. I believe mine were my flesh and blood, they were a part of us and they do count in our household although they are not with us. Whenever I think of Isaac and Faith, it is more in a positive light and I choose to celebrate their lives rather than mourn them as they are only ‘asleep’ and we will meet again.

How we choose to celebrate them

• Each year on their birthdays, we take time out to thank God for the short time we spent with them

• I have decided to fundraise and raise awareness on maternal and neonate causes each year

• We intend setting up a foundation in their honour

And regarding the question; what happens to those already dead and buried, we don’t want you in the dark any longer. First off, you must not carry on over them like people who have nothing to look forward to, as if the grave were the last word. Since Jesus died and broke loose from the grave, God will most certainly bring back to life those who died in Jesus (1 Thessalonians 4: 13 –14).

I believe my pain and loss can only be worth it when many lives are changed, preserved and challenged as a result of what I went through and my response to my circumstance.