Grief, no matter where it comes from, can only be resolved by connecting to other people. Thomas Horn
I have noticed that babies develop their personalities even from the womb and they are not born has’ blank slates.’ Even though I lost my babies, their memories cannot be erased from my life. I found out that whenever I talk with people who had young or grown children/siblings that have died, when the question of how children do you have or how many siblings do you have comes up, they do state they were xxx number before but xxx passed away. But for some reason, some people feel babies should not be counted. I believe mine were my flesh and blood, they were a part of us and they do count in our household although they are not with us. Whenever I think of Isaac and Faith, it is more in a positive light and I choose to celebrate their lives rather than mourn them as they are only ‘asleep’ and we will meet again.
How we choose to celebrate them
• Each year on their birthdays, we take time out to thank God for the short time we spent with them
• I have decided to fundraise and raise awareness on maternal and neonate causes each year
• We intend setting up a foundation in their honour
And regarding the question; what happens to those already dead and buried, we don’t want you in the dark any longer. First off, you must not carry on over them like people who have nothing to look forward to, as if the grave were the last word. Since Jesus died and broke loose from the grave, God will most certainly bring back to life those who died in Jesus (1 Thessalonians 4: 13 –14).
I believe my pain and loss can only be worth it when many lives are changed, preserved and challenged as a result of what I went through and my response to my circumstance.
Baby loss is an individual thing and the grieving process I have discovered varies from person to person and is not time bound as the loss is multidimensional. I find it interesting to note that some people indirectly felt I needed to forget about my past and ‘move on.’
On one hand there came a time when the initial pain I felt when we lost our babies was not an integral part of my life. However my babies are a part of my history and their handprints are all over my future.
Why I cannot forget my babies
- Each time I come across another Isaac or Faith, I am reminded that these babies were once a part of our lives
- Each time the time clocks 11: 12 am or 11:23pm, I remember the moment these precious lives made their entrance into our world
- Each time I am asked how many children do you have? I remember the ones that once were
- Each time it is my babies’ birthday, I remember that things could have been different
- Each time I become pregnant and have a hospital appointment I have to recount my past medical history
- Each time I come across children that were born around the same time as Isaac and Faith, I remember once more
- Each time I hear another baby has departed, I recall being in the same shoes some years back
I am of the opinion that anyone who has experienced a baby loss does not remain the same. For some it breaks them and for others they metamorphose in various ways. My outlook of life after my loss is totally different.
What keeps me going?
- The assurance that I would see my babies in the near future
- My purpose in life
- The fact that something good needs to come out of my pain
- Others do not need to go through what I went through
- My family
- There are many in the same position I can reach out to
- The presence of God
My loss has not disabled me but it has enabled me to fulfil my life purpose and hopefully to bring laughter, faith and optimism to many lives.