I choose to celebrate Mother’s Day

Mother’s day is a day I celebrated once I got married for two reasons: firstly as a mother figure to others and secondly due to the fact I had the potential and opportunity to now become one. However I found myself in a bit of a dilemma (did I qualify to be called a mum) when my trying to conceive period was longer than anticipated and after losing two babies in a row.

As we celebrate Mother’s day today, I have come a long way in my understanding of who a mum is.  Motherhood in my opinion can be biological, non biological and can be envisioned by faith before it becomes a reality in the natural realm. I learnt not to go with society’s label of whether or not I was a mum. I chose to be ‘happy’ each mother’s day and to celebrate with others although physically speaking I had no biological children.  Of course I longed for the day I would hear my children call me ‘mummy’ but my vision of being a mum kept me going, kept me joyful and kept me praising. In the meantime then I spent time preparing for motherhood (reading, asking questions, observing other mums, babysitting (not too often though) and planning) and pouring my life into my non – biological children.

Today, I classify myself as a mother to Isaac and Faith who are no longer here and to both my two sons who are still here.

Perhaps you too have lost a baby (ies) or you are trying to conceive, today is a day to celebrate in expectation of the children that are coming into your life and for the many lives you have encouraged, invested in, sown into, cared for, prayed into, given wise counsel and sacrificed for. 

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Celebrating Isaac and Faith

I have noticed that babies develop their personalities even from the womb and they are not born has’ blank slates.’ Even though I lost my babies, their memories cannot be erased from my life. I found out that whenever I talk with people who had young or grown children/siblings that have died, when the question of how children do you have or how many siblings do you have comes up, they do state they were xxx number before but xxx passed away. But for some reason, some people feel babies should not be counted. I believe mine were my flesh and blood, they were a part of us and they do count in our household although they are not with us. Whenever I think of Isaac and Faith, it is more in a positive light and I choose to celebrate their lives rather than mourn them as they are only ‘asleep’ and we will meet again.

How we choose to celebrate them

• Each year on their birthdays, we take time out to thank God for the short time we spent with them

• I have decided to fundraise and raise awareness on maternal and neonate causes each year

• We intend setting up a foundation in their honour

And regarding the question; what happens to those already dead and buried, we don’t want you in the dark any longer. First off, you must not carry on over them like people who have nothing to look forward to, as if the grave were the last word. Since Jesus died and broke loose from the grave, God will most certainly bring back to life those who died in Jesus (1 Thessalonians 4: 13 –14).

I believe my pain and loss can only be worth it when many lives are changed, preserved and challenged as a result of what I went through and my response to my circumstance.

While waiting

I got married in my early twenties and being the planner I am, I had the next couple of years all mapped out. Step one was to finish my post graduate course then start a family. As my course was about coming to an end, we started trying for a baby. Initially I was not worried when nothing happened for the first two months. As the months went by I became a little bit apprehensive. Month after month I dreaded that time of the month.

Then I thought, this is it, I have finally conceived and was about to perform the test, only to see the unwelcome guest later that day. We just had to keep going (because no effort, no result) but it was not easy. We began to consider going to see the doctor. I just kept hoping and praying I would not need to resort to that option. To my dismay this saga continued unfailingly for sixteen months.

There was this particular day I was just so moody. Nothing seemed to cheer me up. That evening we attended a naming ceremony. As the custom is they usually pray for anyone trusting God for a similar blessing. The pastor actually asked anyone in that category to signify. Of course I did not indicate but muttered along as he prayed. When we got home my husband and I sat on the stairs in our front garden and chatted. Out of the blues my husband pointed out I could be pregnant. It never dawned on me. As my period was late by a few days we decided to do a pregnancy test. It was positive. I just stared at the test kit for a long time in shock. At long last, I was pregnant. I was over the moon. But being the secretive person I am, I thought it best to at least wait for three months before I told anyone.

In hind sight I am grateful I did not have to wait that long. But waiting for sixteen months seemed like a very long time. I am aware of other women who have experienced delay for five, ten and even as long as twenty years.

Here are 5 P’s to consider while you wait

1. Praise
Miracles happen in an atmosphere of praise. Fear and doubt have no chance. Praise also inspires your hope and faith in God.

2. Pray
It helps you get direction and brings about peace in the midst of your storm

3. Prepare
Sometimes we are so focussed on the blessings that we have no clue what to do with the blessing when it arrives. Some areas you may need to consider preparing for are; how to care for a baby, appropriate childcare after maternity leave, work- life balance, parenting skills and discipline/setting boundaries (they do grow up so fast).

4. Ponder
The word of God is what would keep you going. Meditating on God’s word is very powerful. I would suggest getting a journal to write down relevant scriptures in this area. Read, speak, study, and reflect on the scriptures till you believe it 100%.

5. Pour your life into others/yourself/His kingdom
Try to take your mind off your issues. Make others happy. Give of your time to offer practical help to others especially those with children (what you sow is what you would reap). Invest in yourself, enjoy yourself and make God happy by doing what He called you to do (your assignment on earth). Once the children arrive, time just does not seem to be enough.

In conclusion

However long you have been waiting, please do not give up. I hear testimonies day after day of women who finally have their own babies. God is still in the business of miracles.

For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfilment (Luke 1: 37).

Celebrate in anticipation! You too would be called ‘Mummy’ sooner than you expect.